The Finale

I officially have RPCV (Returned Peace Corps Volunteer) status!

On top of meaning that I managed to live in a rural and incredibly different place for two years, it most importantly means that I now get to obnoxiously start my setances with "We'll when I was living in Africa..."

I haven't written a post in a very very long time. I know this, and I promise you it's not from lack of trying. Every time I decided on a topic and started writing about an observation or bizarre interaction I would inevitably abandon it and then eventually delete it. It all started sounding condescending or trite to me.

Then I realized, that the things that were so amusing and interesting to me at the beginning of my service, the things I thought could be shared with the world on the internet, started losing their novelty. I couldn't find the right voice that both made you amused in reading the post while also portraying the people and this place correctly.

All the weird grammatically flawed conversations, the rude comments intended as compliments, three men a goat and a box of chickens on a motorcycle, getting my hair twisted in a plastic chair on a dirt road with 40 school kids watching, marking the year via mango/plum/pear/potato season, fetching water from tanks and wells for laundry, cooking and washing, fighting over the price of a pre worn pair of trousers, saying "trousers" instead of "pants", having fire ants attack you while they climb up the legs of your trousers...these things were just part of my everyday life now. Like starting and warming up the car before getting in to go to work, buying stickers for garbage day or buying groceries.

Towards the end I stopped trying almost completely because I didn't want to waste time thinking about how I could translate this on paper with words while doing it justice. The people in these new stories were now a part of my life. They most likely cooked me some kind of meal and/or introduced me to many memebers of their family. I just wanted to focus on collecting my memories in the quickly diminishing time.

Maybe when Gwakiongo and Kenya lost its novelty and amusement factor to me was also the moment I lost some, definitely not all, of my mzungu (white person) novelty? Maybe?

Even though I didn't share a lot of stories in real time with you internet, know that awesome, crazy, rude and border line commitable things happened here and to me.

To the people reading this back home, I can't wait to tell you these same stories using my real life human voice, far too many hand motions and hopefully some kind of meal between us.

See you soon America.

Dear Kenya,
Thank you for all if it.
With nothing but equal parts of love and distain,
Iwona Mwihaki

A Worthy Cause

Family, Friends, Folk and Followers,

Since November of 2013 I have been working with the Gwakiongo PLWA (People Living With Aids) group. It is self organized and self motivated group made up of about 20 IDP (Internally Displaced People) households (83 people) who are either living with Aids or have been affected in one way or another. 

For the past few years members have been assisting each other by lending their scarce and unstable incomes to each other through a “Merry-Go-Round” system to help pay for food, school fees and health care. I got i

nvolved last year when the group vocalized its desire to stop relying on small hand outs and create a project that will help them both financially and nutritionally. We have been organizing and outlining an IGA (Income Generating Activity) since Feb 2014 of chicken rearing that will produce income from the selling of eggs and while also providing a strong protein source. 

Due to recent unforeseen circumstances our promised donor has pulled out of the project leaving us a little befuddled but not entirely hopeless. 

We are reaching out to you to help reach our goal of $1,202. If you have any extra coin this month and would like to donate to a project that you can monitor and watch change the people’s lives you gave it to, then please donate.

All donors will receive a detailed project outline and budget as well as project updates and photos.

Please follow the link below to donate at PayPal using the email address: 

gwakiongoplwa@gmail.com.

Please also feel to use that email for any questions or concerns. 

Thank you for your support. 

The Old Woman is Snoring

Four days of non-stop rain face. 

Everything I own is either wet and muddy, and won't be dry or clean again until the sun decides to show its cowardice face again. 

Real Housewives of Peace Corps

If you are on a diet, stop reading now. There is nothing here for you. I recommend the Health & Fitness page of Pintrest or a celery stick. The following images may be a bit to graphic for vegans also. Move along. 

Thanks to the brilliant brains of Marielle Griggs and Jane Eyerly Duncan, I now know how to make cheese. The following is a step by step instruction sequence complete with pictures of me having a rockin' Friday afternoon making dairy my bitch. 

First you need a 1.5 litres of fresh cow's milk. Non pasteurized is crucial. Also, 3 limes/lemons/vinegar or anything super acidic. 

1.5 ltr milk = 50 shillings = 57 cents

3 limes = 30 shillings = 34 cents

One pot to cook the milk in, and a handkerchief to strain out the curds and whey.

Thanks Ashley Czajka for the binder clips. I don't know how else I would have done this by myself

 

While the milk is boiling squeeze the juice outta the 3 limes into a separate cup.

 

Once the milk has boiled, and started to rise out of the pot, pour in the lime juice.

The milk will start to curdle instantly. Stir for a bit.

Pour the curds and whey over the handkerchief.

Curds.

And whey. 

I don't know what I'm going to do with all of this.

Fold the napkin around the curds and place on a flat hard surface.

Place something equally as heavy and flat on top of the curds.

Squeeze out excess juice.

Finished product!!!

It's important to note that this cheese is made entirely from the separated fat within the milk. It is in NO WAY healthy, but it is delicious. Especially when spread on garlic toast. 

Sylvester Talons

T: Look at your feet. Are these toes or talons?
J: They're stalons.
T: You mean talons.
J: No it's stalons.
T: Its talons. Iwona, is it talons or stalons?
Me: Its definitely talons. You mean like birds' feet? Yeah, talons.
T: See its talons.
J: OH, I was thinking Sylvester Stalons.
Me: Exactly.

Side note: Today I was crammed on a matatu so tightly that the heavy set woman next to me left her pit stain on my shoulder. 

Star Pupil

Last week I dealt out an assignment to my class 8, 7 and 6 students about Parenthood. We spent the lessons talking about what makes a good parent, what makes a parent bad, the different responsibilities of being a parent and how the younger someone is as a parent the more difficult it is for them to meet these responsibilities. I’m trying to deter teenage pregnancy here people.

The assignment was a list of 8 questions that I asked them to answer and tell my why they answered them.

1. Do you like children?
2. Do you have the patience to raise a child?
3. Would you beat your child if they misbehaved or you lost your temper?
4. Are you financially able to raise a child?
5. Would having a child interfere with your future goals?
6. Would you expect your child to take care of you in your old age?
7. Would you be willing to devote a large part of 18 years to be a devoted parent?
8. Could you accept and love a child who was physically or mentally disabled?

Well after piles of the same answer over and over. “Yes, because children are a gift from God.” “Yes, because you must teach your kids to stop bad behaviors.” “Yes, because I will have a career and be able to raise a family.” “Yes, because children are a blessing.”

Blah, blah, bah….Then I came across this little gem.

1. Do you like children? No, they are disturbing and making a person to have headache.
2. Do you have the patience to raise a child? No, because I don’t like them.
3. Would you beat your child if they misbehaved or you lost your temper? No, because I would not have a child.
4. Are you financially able to raise a child? No, because they are unbearable.
5. Would having a child interfere with your future goals? Yes, because when she/he is sick I wouldn’t go to work or school instead I will take her/him to the hospital and that is wastage of my time.
6. Would you expect your child to take care of you in your old age? No, because they would make me be stressed and I can finally die of ulcers.
7. Would you be willing to devote a large part of 18 years to be a devoted parent? No, they could be pretending in school and I can be called by the head teacher, and being asked silly questions.
8. Could you accept and love a child who was physically or mentally disabled? Yes, coz it is not their wish to be like that, it is also my dream that when I grow up I would like to be a charity woman who will take care of people with special needs. 

She is my new favorite student. Not because her answers are entertaining, but because it is so rare to see thinking like this, it deviates from the norm here. She is my new favorite because she is brave enough to think differently. Plus she funny as hell. I gave her TWO stickers.

My Mom Could Beat Up Your Mom

Dear Mom,
Thanks for keeping me warm in your uterus for the majority of 1986 and a bit of '85. 
Thanks for slinging me by my knees whenever we would go camping cause I couldn't quite master the art of peeing outside.
Thanks for taking us out of Polish school. That place was the worst.
Thanks for letting me draw on my walls in Middle Schol. It looked awful but I thought I was so cool. And you let me think it. 
Thanks for all the groceries during college.
Thanks for letting me be hysterical sometimes.
Thanks for giving me a weird name. Conversation starter for life.

For all the little and big things you have done for me in my life. Thanks. They haven't gone unnoticed and there is a bit of you in ever decision I make.

Love you for always and ever,
Iwona

Thanksgiving in NY

When we went 'hiking'. We need more pics of the two of us together.

B&B. Beverage and Baby.