Visa Upon Arrival

No matter how horrendous the last journey we never give up hope for the next one. God only knows why. 

Martha Gellhorn

Sri Lanka - India - Nepal - Bangladesh - Myanmar - Laos - Vietnam - Cambodia - Thailand - Malaysia - Indonesia - Philippines

I am going to eat a blow fish, lay on a beach and watch someone open a coconut with a machete. 

Stronger Then A Cup Of Coffee

Just one of the first conversations I had this morning after waking up. I have omitted the names of the men involved in this conversation because BOTH OF THEM ARE MY SUPERIORS.

A: We shall retain you so you stay here.
M: Yes I shall retain you, I shall get cows and goats.
Iwona: I don't have a dowry and my home is in America.
A: No, you will go back but you will also stay here.
M: He shall act as my arbitrator.
A: Yes I am taken, but he has no wife.
Iwona: Nope.
A: No, no, no, no you shall see, you will become one of us.
Iwona: I would not make a very good Kenyan wife.
M: Why?
Iwona: Because I don't like to cook, I don't like to clean and I'm not entirely sure I want to have children.
A: (Jaw hits the floor)
M: (Jaw hits the floor)
Iwona: Yes, I would not be a good Kenyan Wife.
A: You two shall make a second Obama.
Iwona: I'm not sure I want to have any children.
A: You sister has a child. You shall also have a child.
Iwona: Just because my sister did something doesn't mean I have to do it. I want to focus on work.
A: Yes here in Kenya if you focus on work and have a good job you can have many children and many wives.
Iwona: Yeah that is another reason I can't be a Kenyan wife. I'm not okay with Polygamy.
A: Why?
Iwona: I don't like to share.
A: (Laughs like I am a silly girl)

Heed My Warning

This is a cry to all future female Peace Corps Volunteers in Kenya. 
You will not loose weight coming to Africa. In fact your ass will grow exponentially. Do no eat tons and tons of food before you leave. You will not get the body of a Kenyan runner just by stepping off the plane.

And honestly why would you want that?

Lets start with the fact that Kenyan women are hostesses with the mostesses. The Mammas will feed you potatoes mixed with rice and chapati (Kenyan tortilla) as an appetizer before they load you up with Ugali (hot dough served with just about everything). Then they will stare at you insulted when you can't finish your third bowl of rice and you will continue to shovel it into your face having no idea what the repercussions will be like later. Not to mention that they will tell you "you are so skinny", even though you know that is a lie, somehow you will use it to justify the carnage left behind on your plate. 

Kenyan food is healthy on the surface. Kenyan food is a handful of ingredients: kale, maize, beans, cabbage, potatoes, tomatoes and carrots. These ingredients are all interchanged at various amounts to make different dishes. You'll think to yourself "Gosh kale is so expensive in the states I'm going to have TWO helpings". Little do you know that at bare minimum there is at least 4 Tbsp of pure lard in that dish you are so gloriously consuming. Also Kenyans overcook everything so most of those awesome nutrients found in kale have left hours ago. You are essentially eating fat coated in a light layer of iron. 

Lastly, don't come to Kenya if you eat your feelings. Once you are dropped off at site with no one around to hear your pillow muffled sobs you will learn just what being truly alone means. You'll go to market and buy all the ingredients for a whole weeks worth of meals filled with veggies and wholesome grains. This will quickly go away once you figure out how to make unhealthy American food at site. Nine pieces of garlic toast and a giant pot of salted popcorn later you are going to bed hating yourself a little bit more.

Cabbage Patch Kid

A gift from my neighbor.

Cheesy Itz

Who takes a break to eat a spoonful of peanut butter between putting on her pants and shirt?
Who forgets a packet of papers on a teacher’s desk 4km away and doesn't realize it until she gets to the next school office?
Who prefers to eat in bed no matter how many chairs and tables are available?
Who blasts Primus and Brazilian Girls for her pious neighbors to hear?
Who can tell just by looking at a cow that she is pregnant? 
Who forgets she is wearing a sports bra for three days?
Who can knock a drunken Kenyan on his ass when he tries to kiss her?
Who falls in mud puddles while in-texticated?
Who prefers to sleep on a cold floor instead of a crowded bed?
Who researches obscure African diseases as a hobby?
Who cooks beans for three days?
Who can loose a Nalgene water bottle in two weeks but hold on to a cheap plastic one for months until she has to throw it away because it is molding?
Who has had the same mud stain on her foot since Monday?
Who washes her clothes when she knows its going to rain so she doesn’t have to do that good of a job rinsing it?

This Girl. 

Proof That I Work

 CHW (Community Health Worker) Meeting

 Bi-Cross Community Problem Analysis

 Making a Seasonal Calendar

 Waving at the Mzungu

 Tiny Tippy Tap

Josephine helping the kids learn how to use the Tippy Tap. 

 Josephine helping her neighbor.

 A new friend.

 Using tools like an American.

 Global Hand Washing Day at Githima Primary School.

 662 kids washed their hands at 11 Am here.

 We had over 5 thousand kids in our district participate.

 The different classes made and preformed poems about hand washing and presented them to the school.

St. Cecilia classes 4 and 5 preforming poems for us.

All Clean!

Health Volunteer?

The problem with reading a book titled Communicable Diseases as a hobby is that you recognize that the initial symptoms for a lot of common but possibly deadly diseases are the same. They are as follows:

Fever
Headache
Diarrhea
Vomiting

Here are some of the wonderful diseases that you could possibly endure if you have a combination of any of these completely arbitrary symptoms.

Malaria:  Get under your bed nets kiddos.
Plague: Alive and well in here Africa
Yellow Fever: 7 days is the magic number try and stay alive for at least a week.  
Cholera: Cholera beds. It’s a thing, look it up. 
Relapsing Fever: Wash your clothes, wash your clothes, and wash your clothes. 
Giardia: Burps so bad you will ask yourself, “When did I eat Sulfur?”
Amoebias: Just kill yourself. It will be easier.
Typhoid Fever: Thanks Mary. 
Food Poisoning: Keep a bucket next to the toilet.
Polio: The option of getting vaccinated is a first world problem.
Hep E: Friends with Malaria and Relapsing Fever. 
Meningitis: Just one of the many diseases you can catch in a dorm room.

A handful of them are what I lovingly refer to as Ass to Hand to Mouth diseases. My qualifications for this job know no bounds. 

Breaker breaker

Does anyone know if coconut crème Oreos are a thing? If so, please send immediately to:

Mirangine Health Center
c/o Iwona Matczuk
PO Box 59-20124
Mirangine, Kenya

If they are not, use the address to send pictures, music (mixed tapes/new albums), seasonal cards or stories about your daily lives. If you think no one would care to hear the stories of your day to day happenings it is not true. I would love to hear stories about fights you got into during traffic, your landscaping plans for next summer, mistakes you made this weekend and how shitty your boss is. At the very least just put a steady stream of random consciousness down on paper with no punctuation or grammar involved and stick it in the mail. Your cooperation is appreciated and I am waiting semi-patiently. 

Temporarily Tiny

Come take a lovely and extremely short tour of my current living accommodation. Please keep in mind that this is entirely temporary. I hope. There is a house that has been being built for quite some time now that I am to eventually move into. The finishing touches for it are just cosmetic now, but until it is finished I live in what has been lovingly referred to as The Hobbit Hole. Please note that every half finished roll of toilet paper and opened bag of chips has been strategically placed to enhance your tour experience. 

Enjoy.

 Because if I manage to not loose something in my life, then chances are it is somehow functioning under sub-par conditions.

 My favorite purchase so far in Kenya it keeps my frequency of GI issues lower.

 The front of my "house". The second window on the right is not mine.

 My office. 

 My kitchen/shoe room. Charcoal stove that kills me a little softer every night, and my new electric jiko that melted my adapter into the socket this morning. Oh, and my second free bag of potatoes from my neighbor. Don't be jealous.

 My clothes closet and my up and coming bucket collection.

 Supply closet.

 File cabinet and toiletry drawer.

 Keeps things off the back of my office chair.

 I wish you could see the permanent trench I sleep in on the piece of cardboard that passes as a mattress.

 It's the only outlet I have and its falling off the wall. How do you say "I electrocuted myself" in Kiswahili?

The view from my bed to the front door.

Tickets to visit The Hobbit Hole are available all year long. Ask about children and group rates.